Episode Transcript
[00:00:02] Speaker A: Welcome to the Life Refresh podcast. My name is Ryan Robinson, and if you are looking for a podcast that is designed to uplift, encourage, and revive your heart, mind and spirit, you're in the right place. Welcome to the journey of becoming the version of you God designed from the foundations of the earth.
[00:00:23] Speaker B: Now, let's begin.
Hello again. It's Ryan Robinson here again with the Life Refresh podcast. Sorry, I'm getting my mic together. Welcome back to life. Refresh Podcast. This is Ryan Robinson. I'm back again with continuing on some of the topics we talked about last week. So we've been the last few weeks we've been talking about baggage and what those items are. And one of the biggest things I think we've been discovering through this process is that baggage looks completely different depending on what you're carrying. And generally they sit in about three buckets. First one we talked about was worry. And worry is something that is circumstantial, right? It's material things. Sometimes we're worried about money, we're worried about an outcome.
It's tangible. It's something that can be figured out immediately or over time.
The next thing is like anxiety. And anxiety again, is something that if we don't have solid information, it's very abstract, so it doesn't have a plan of action to it. So I gave an example about the pandemic.
We didn't know enough about it, about the virus. Therefore, because we didn't know, it caused us to have so much anxiety because we didn't know where it was coming from. Sometimes your mind plays tricks on you and you just think and you don't think you're wrong, but you don't think you're right either. So because you have that ambiguity of information, you are anxious. You're anxious. And we talked about how to break anxiety. And the thing is, if worry is untreated, and if anxiety is untreated, it could essentially lead us to shame.
[00:02:19] Speaker A: Okay?
[00:02:20] Speaker B: But I wanted to at least acknowledge that there wasn't something that I missed during this process because usually there is most people get this kind of confused. There is a difference between guilt and shame.
And we're going to discuss this difference first before we actually talk about what shame actually is. Because if we don't really understand what that definition is of guilt, of guilt versus shame, we will end up using those words interchangeably and misappropriating them and calling something that we think it is, but it isn't. Okay? So I'm going to talk about the two differences between guilt and shame.
[00:03:20] Speaker A: Okay?
[00:03:21] Speaker B: I have some Bible for it, but I want us to at least get an understanding as to I'm just going to give some simple details about so guilt is a feeling that arises when we violate our own moral code, something that we've executed on our own.
So say if you stole something and you are holding on to it, you probably feel guilty about doing something like that. Or if you said something wrong, and it hurt somebody's feelings. You'll feel guilt about saying something that you probably didn't mean.
Well, you might have meant it at the time, but you probably felt terrible about it. So what guilt does, it addresses the actual issue, right? So I broke something, I did something. I have guilt about it, therefore I need to do something about it with that issue. Okay? That specific issue in detail, just like worry. Worry is very specific. It deals with the particular area of circumstance or challenge. Same thing with guilt. Guilt really is uncharacteristically, just like it says here a feeling that arises when we violate our own moral code.
We're all human. We've all said things that we meant at the time but regretted at the end of that. We've damaged relationships. We have disqualified ourselves from opportunity because we've said something or did something or didn't do something, and it put us in a bad spot, bad place.
So guilt is natural. It leads us to action.
[00:05:27] Speaker A: Okay?
[00:05:28] Speaker B: But the thing that shame does and the definition is it's a deeper, more personal feeling of inadequacy and unworthiness.
So when we talk about shame, shame is saying, guilt says, I did a bad thing. Shame says, I am a bad thing.
I am bad. I am terrible. I am. So what happens is you take that guilt and you internalize it, and it says, something is wrong with me.
I have an issue. I have a problem, and I'm not good because I'm broken.
Now we can go through and say, yeah, we're all broken. We all have challenges. We all have sinned and fallen short of God's glorious standard. Yes, all of that is true. But the part that happens when we internalize shame is that it causes us to realize that it gives us the perspective that disqualifies us from goodness.
You cannot find a good thing in you. Therefore you think everything about you is bad.
Um, you don't like yourself. And and unfortunately, when people get to the area of shame, there is some tendencies because there's this self hate that perpetuates out of this, I'm bad, so I need to punish myself for being bad.
There are some people again, this is a serious topic, but I want to at least say this. Sometimes we people that do have shame or put themselves in situations actually put themselves in time out.
That's what I would consider someone who is shameful. So someone who is guilty will take the consequences of their actions and really find ways to make sure they don't do it again.
And our consequence of that is going into timeout. Right? If you're in the first grade, I have a six year old daughter, so this is very fresh to me.
But if you think that you're bad, you will put yourself in time out and punish yourself without anyone's prompting or anyone's suggestion.
And sometimes you actually treat yourself worse than what the consequence actually is for guilt or for doing something wrong. So what happens is we internalize these consequences and say to ourselves and say to others that I need to take the pain of shame because I'm bad, therefore I need to get punished worse than actually the crime requires. And people who beat themselves up and I'm guilty, many of us are guilty of beating ourselves up, but I'm one who has beat themselves up in the past because I've made a mistake or I've made a wrong call. And the guilt that goes along with it is I made a mistake, right? And you feel guilty for the mistake that you made and you'll create that or correct that in the future. But the part that is challenging is when you move over into a shame place because then you start saying, I can't make any good decisions, I'm not capable of making a bad decision. Therefore you start to exhibit perfectionism because you don't think you can miss anymore. And if you do miss, it's detrimental to your career, to your friendships, to your marriage.
It's just a challenge. So then you start to isolate yourself because you do not want to get the ridicule, the backbiting and talking and actually maybe the self talk, honestly, of making a mistake.
So you start getting the shame button and you'll start putting yourself in time out when you just need to go through that particular time. So I wanted to really put this again in context, but we'll get to the origins of shame in the next podcast because it's important to detail where shame came from. Because shame became an output of the fall in the Garden of Eden. And the first time that it is depicted in scripture is in the book of Genesis chapter three, where after Adam and Eve, partook of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, the Bible says their eyes were open and they saw that they were naked and they were ashamed.
So we'll get to that in the next one. But I want to get the guilt part first because I want to make sure we put that in context. Okay, this is I said guilt is associated with actions or deeds. So we feel guilty for what we have done.
There's a couple scriptures in here that I just mentioned it, but it's like Romans 323 all have fallen short, all have sinned and fallen short of God's glorious standard.
We make mistakes, y'all. I mean, if you're human you're going to make mistakes and you're going to have moments where you're like dag on it. I should have did this and I didn't.
And I think that's healthy. I think that's healthy.
If you did or made a mistake or made a challenge or did something and didn't feel bad about it, particularly if it's a wrong thing, that is not good.
That is not good because guilt means that you have some sense of conscience and consciousness by which you are able to be aware of your feelings about circumstances, challenges, your identity and correct those so that you don't do that particular thing again.
And another scripture, Psalm 38 four, says, for my inadequacies have gone over my head like a heavy burden, and they are too heavy for me.
And guilt feels like that sometimes.
It feels heavy until you address the issue.
Now, the thing is the similarity, I mean, we obviously talked about some of the differences here, but there is a couple of similarities to this. Both shame and guilt don't feel good.
They are and can be debilitating to all of us. You may feel guilty about saying something wrong about somebody or to someone that you avoid them. You start changing the way you treat them. You start doing some different things if you don't address it. So there are actions that are actually or consequences and actions of shame and guilt that actually make us separate from other people if they're not dealt with properly.
The deed or the issue or the action that makes the guilt actually can obviously separate someone, especially if you said something very mean or said something that hurts someone's feelings deeply, that in itself can do damage. It separates individuals. It's debilitating. You start to beat yourself up a little bit, the other person is offended. So the guilt doesn't have I don't want to make it sound so Pollyanny like, yeah, I'm guilty, I did something wrong. There are consequences to guilt. There are consequences. You did something wrong, you did something wrong, there's a consequence.
Do something right, there's a consequence.
And most of the time, in many cases, we know the consequences that come with the actions that we take. And if we take a wrong action or we take the best action we could at the time, those consequences could be good or could be bad.
And if they're bad, whatever information you had, you did the best you could with what you had. But if there's also intentionality to be vindictive and be mean, you're not going to feel the guilt.
If you just intentionally wanted to be mean to somebody, you're not going to feel guilty about it.
You didn't intentionally. Then maybe after the fact you might feel a little bad.
But still, those are things that if we don't deal with them, guilt and shame can separate you and will separate you from relationship, which is the thing, and cause more baggage in your life.
[00:15:35] Speaker A: Okay?
[00:15:37] Speaker B: Now the thing is there's forgiveness. There's forgiveness for actions. There's a grace. Bible says grace covers a multitude of sins. So God can again, you punch somebody in the face, they'll punch you back, but it might not hurt as bad. That's what kind of grace does, right?
Grace is not getting what you deserved.
It is God's unmerited favor because you are his child and you are his let me say this, you are his child. If you believe in your heart and confess with your mouth that Jesus Christ is Lord, you will be saved. Therefore, you are grafted into the body of Christ, making you a recipient of his grace by which he paid the ultimate price by dying on the cross for you and for me.
Once you accept that the grace of God, which surpasses all understanding, is something that will allow you, as you're going through this life and going through the growth or rebirth, if you will, of an awakening of your spiritual self.
You will have moments where you mess up.
But there is grace for when you do mess up and it doesn't make the consequence as bad or by God's grace, the consequence doesn't happen. Now, there's a whole I don't want to go down this whole line of scripture that says you don't want to abuse grace, right? But many of us, especially if you've just come to knowledge of Christ and God is not asking anyone to be perfect, by the way. Your actions are not going to make you perfect and give you the golden ticket into heaven. I'm going to say that right now.
The salvation is a gift of God, not of works, lest any man should boast. What does that mean?
It means that grace is freely given by Jesus. By God? Through Jesus.
[00:18:12] Speaker A: Okay?
[00:18:13] Speaker B: We didn't do anything for it. I didn't die for you.
My grandfather didn't die for me. Jesus died for me. And because I believe that it is something that is open to everyone, okay? So that is the key ingredient. It is a free gift.
So the thing is, it's not of works.
So what does that mean, not of works?
It means I didn't work for it. It's just something that I accept in our culture.
And I just literally saw something about Gary Vee and he's always talking about hustling and doing all that kind of stuff, right?
And the thing is, if you are going to be working hard and again, this is something that working hard is needed, you need to work hard. But the continuous work to prove something is something that I think is, if not held in a proper boundary, you could really lose yourself in it. So what we will continue to say and we'll see this sparingly throughout Scripture, is that there's degrees to it. So if I do this and do this, then I will be able to get this in heaven. Or if I have enough sacrifices and if I acknowledge all the laws and I follow everything to the T, then I will be able to enter into heaven. But the Bible says this is a level playing field. Whether you're rich or poor, whether you're smart or not so smart, whether you come from a fluent life, affluent family, or not so affluent, if you're educated and not educated, salvation is the thing that balances out everything and everyone.
So if you've made a mistake or are making a mistake, there is grace for the mistake that you've made because Jesus by his blood covers you. And by covering you, what he means is that when God sees your sin and your mistake, he doesn't see you, he sees Jesus.
I'm going to say that again. When you made a mistake and God knows that you sinned, he doesn't see you, he sees Jesus. And Jesus was the perfect, only perfect being that has walked this earth that is worthy of covering us. Because his perfection satisfied and actually undid what was done in Genesis, chapter three, where all the shame came from.
I think that's really important for us to understand because we can feel guilt. And guilt is necessary because it makes us change. But if we don't put it in context and understand that, one, there are consequences. But two, if you don't acknowledge it, the benefit and the understanding of grace doesn't have context because there is a punishment that could happen. But if it wasn't for the grace of God, it could have been a lot worse.
And you can think of things in your mental rolodex of experiences that could have turned out completely worse, completely worse than they did.
And it is by the grace of God that those things were covered in the way that they were.
So that to me, because you did it, you do have guilt. And it will cause you God's grace will cause you to actually turn around and do something different. You know what I'm saying?
If you did something wrong, you stole something. And because you stole something, you're waiting and expecting somebody to come get you. And you're like, Lord, if you could just get me out of this one, if you can just get me out of this circumstance, this experience, I won't do it again, I promise. I know some of you all prayed that prayer. If you haven't, you probably said it to somebody or something or someone at some point to be like, I just don't want to deal with this. Please God, take care of it, I can't deal with it, please just cover it, please. And then God does.
What we're dealing with is the guilt that you felt has caused you to repent. And the word repent doesn't mean to feel bad and beat yourself up. Oh, I repent, I repent. No, the word means to turn around and go the other way.
That's what repent means.
So if you're going one direction, you acknowledge that's not doing the right thing. Repent means now that you have the information, you turn around and go the other way.
[00:23:53] Speaker A: Okay?
[00:23:54] Speaker B: That's what guilt causes us to do.
It's not a bad thing.
In fact, we talk about fear, for example, just use fear for an example. Fear actually saves us. Y'all, if we were fearless, people would be jumping off of buildings and just being like, oh, I don't have any fear. Fear has a way of actually keeping us safe.
In many cases, fear keeps us from getting in the exhibits at the zoo because I don't trust that thing, right? So it does have a meaning. It does have purpose. Fear does as well as guilt does.
In other words, guilt in many cases, we've called it, oh, gosh, conviction. Couldn't think of it for a minute. When you're convicted, it means like, all right, it's being pressed upon me. I feel like I need to do something different. That's good. That's fine. What we've done so far is we've actually made ourselves to not like the things that don't feel so good. But those are signals, people. Those are signals that we need to make a change. There are signals that we need to change direction. And God uses those. Again, he's not dealing with you because he loves you. He's dealing with the action that you did. So he's trying to correct the action through the vehicle of guilt to help you repent, to go the other way so that you don't have higher consequences because you didn't and weren't aware of your challenges.
So guilt again, guilt and grace go back there together, right?
You feel bad for something because you have a conscience.
And then you have the grace that perhaps the circumstance could have been worse, but it wasn't. But by the grace of God, you have been saved from a worse consequence. And because you come to that knowledge, you are now being able to go ahead and shift into something different or shift away from that particular action. Okay? Now, this is going to be the part one about guilt. What we're going to talk about in the next podcast is the shame.
You need to keep it locked on this one because I think this is the one that in many cases, for a lot of people, lives have been lost because of this very thing right here called shame.
If you know someone who's been dealing with it, if you're dealing with it, I truly want you to share this next podcast. This one first too, about guilt. So we put guilt and shame in perspective so we don't beat ourselves up all the time. But the shame part is the thing that I think is insidious and slowly starts to deteriorate, deteriorate ourselves from the inside out. So keep it locked here and we'll talk to you and see you on the next one.
