Episode Transcript
[00:00:22] Speaker A: Hey, ladies and gentlemen, this is Ryan Robinson. And welcome to Life Refreshed. I'm so excited. I told you guys we're going to be having some more interviews, and this particular interview is a friend of mine who has actually been coaching me for about a year, actually. So I really can't say I've done and been refreshed by myself, but it's been help of this gentleman on the line with me, coach Rick Kernotal. He has been in, gosh, executive coaching, leadership development, employee engagement for a number of years.
But beyond that, he is a friend of mine who has really challenged my mindset on a lot of things, y'all.
And essentially, I would say the last year has been personally transformational for me. And we'll get to that in a later podcast. But without any further ado, Coach Rick. How you doing, man?
[00:01:27] Speaker B: I'm doing good, my brother. Thanks for having me. Appreciate you.
[00:01:31] Speaker A: Yeah, man, I'm happy to be in.
[00:01:32] Speaker B: The presence of you.
[00:01:34] Speaker A: Come on, man. Listen, it is the same sentiments, man.
And this is the thing, and I just want to be able to be clear with everybody on this, honestly, we're going to be talking like we talk all the time. Yeah, we have a number of conversations, like, man, this would have been great to record, but we never got the chance to. So this is a very organic conversation. One, you get to know the audience, we get to know you, but two, just some of the gems that come from your experience. And I know you have quite a bit of experiences and things to share. So for those who don't know you and those who are getting to know you, share a little bit of your origin story and what got you into this kind of work that you do, because it's transformational, not just for mindsets, but for lives in general. So what inspired you to get into this space, man?
[00:02:31] Speaker B: And you're always say, most definitely.
Again, thank you for the opportunity.
I always say, I remember Dr. Miles Monroe. He was teaching, and he said anytime that there's something that irritates you or really bothers you, you know what I'm saying, or it just gets under your skin sometimes those are the things that you are usually called to. So the things that used to aggravate me is send people moving in the wrong direction when I know they have purpose. The things that used to sometimes get under my skin is knowing when someone didn't truly believe in the solution in them, when I knew the solution in them can bring about a change in the world. So I have this thing where I've always wanted to remind individuals that the solution in them can bring about a change in the world. And I knew the only way that that could happen is by redirecting the energy of their mind, by putting them in position to walk by faith and to achieve their goals. So years ago, I remember me studying the so also, I've been certified through the John Maxwell team as a life coach, trainer, speaker.
And I used to go into rooms with individuals that I believe that I thought at one point that was smarter than me.
And it used to bother me because I say, why is it that I believe that they're smarter than me, but they always wanted me in the room, which means if they wanted me in the room, it was something that I could provide. But at that point, I didn't think I can provide it because I didn't think I had enough education to actually be in the room.
So what I started doing is studying and reading. And I read my first book around 30 years of age. And when I started understanding the real meaning of definition when it comes to education, I understood that I did have the knowledge to be in a room. I just didn't think I was good enough to be in a room. And I knew sometimes I was usually called to the very thing that I was troubled with. I was gifted with it. I was gifted at helping and educating people to become the best version of themselves. But at the same time, I still struggled with coming the best version myself while being called to it. So the more I worked on myself, the more I wanted to educate and help people. And I just truly believe that God is using me in this season and the season before to help, like I said, to give people the tools that they need to make the proper adjustments so they can live by design and not by default. And I do it because I love people. Man, it really hurts me to see somebody not understanding their purpose. Because your purpose is the reason you exist, Ryan. And if you don't understand the reason you exist, you'll be quick to give up on your life. And I'd rather for people to live rather than to die. And suicide rates go up when you don't understand your purpose. Suicide rates go up when you don't believe in yourself, when you're not educated enough to know that you are the reason that people need you. Like, there is something within you that if you didn't exist, the world would be lacking. And sometimes I want to remind the world that. So it's so many different things that I'm happy that God is doing in my life. And I'm very excited and I know he's using me and I'm allowing to use me. I just got to continue to answer.
[00:05:34] Speaker A: The call you gave me too.
So, yeah, this is how it always starts, man.
Okay, you brought up, we're just going to jump right into it.
[00:05:53] Speaker B: Jump right into it?
[00:05:54] Speaker A: Yes, jump right into it. So you brought up how people just don't.
Why do people not understand what their purpose is? And how does it keep others from experiencing them in their true, authentic self?
You see this a lot more working with other clients and seeing it and observing it. But some people just go through their day to day just doing what they do without really examining. Why do you think that is?
[00:06:30] Speaker B: I stated before that you have to learn how to embrace your failures by managing your mindset. And what I mean by that. When you embrace your failures, you accept who you are. When you deny your failures, when you avoid failure, you deny who you are. So one of the reasons why so many people are avoiding their purpose, because they are at the same time avoiding their failures. They are avoiding the very thing that they believe they're going to fail in.
Nobody's going to make it out of this world alive and nobody's going to become very successful without failing. So therefore, once you embrace who you are as a whole and once you accept the fact that you are going to fail, but it doesn't mean that you are failure, then at that very moment you would take it and run with it. Meaning run with your purpose, run with dignity, run with integrity. You will walk by faith and not by sight.
The other thing that you mentioned is that sometimes we just start our day with no direction. I always have this thing that I call as a DSR, a daily success routine, a PDA, a positive daily affirmation and a PGP, which is your personal growth plan. With those three, you can plan your day, plan your excitement and plan your success. You never just want to wake up and allow the day to treat you how you should be treated. You should demand what you want out of your day. That's why I'm always confessing over my life every single day, which has been my mantra that I use. I don't follow my day, my day follows me, which means I'm in charge of my day. And who I am is always going to be at the front of my mind. I refuse to allow what I go through to dictate my day. I'm the one that's taking charge. I tell my day what to do. Yes, I follow instructions from above. But when I'm planted here, right in here, wherever I'm at, I will get the job done because I have already had and predestined who I am going to become in this moment and in this day. So ultimately, you have to embrace who you are as an individual. Stop avoiding who you are in the mirror. Stop trying to be a copy. Remember I said before that I heard a wise man say, every time you continue to be copies or make copies, you lose its resolution. So when you lose the resolution of the copy, then that means you lose the resolution of who you are. The authentic version is what we want to see, not the copy that's losing resolution, man.
[00:08:46] Speaker A: Wow.
And I ain't going to lie, man. That to me.
And it takes a lot of self exploration, right? And I've personally have had, you know, this is sometimes avoiding what's in you actually causes more frustration. And then you go to other things outside of you, right? You go to the drugs, you go to the sex, you go to the bottle, you go to whatever can anesthesize or make you feel numb to that calling. And what you were saying is, I think that avoidance is really someone saying, like, I don't know if I'm enough with this gift or whatever I've been entrusted with. So they find an ulterior motive that is sociably acceptable, right? And then go down that route and are miserable at work and miserable in what they've chosen to do. And, man, I think many of the listeners probably resonate with that because most people don't think that their calling is something that people are going to accept. Because it might be.
May. It may be like a Pablo Picasso who loved doing things but didn't even have success, or they just don't understand how I can be successful doing that.
[00:10:33] Speaker B: See, this is the thing. Even with that, everything that you do, all behavior, stems from your belief system, what you believe about yourself.
You create this illusion of who you are when it's really not. You're speaking to people as if you're something that you're not. You're afraid to be the best version of yourself, so you continue living the worst version of yourself when ultimately it's a self inflicted injury.
You're harming yourself every time that you avoid yourself, when you identify your belief system, you identify who you are, your traits.
Remember that I spoke with you previously, talking about instincts. Listening to Bishop, of course, talking about instincts. And sometimes we don't know that when God has already prewired us, he's already prewired everything that we do within us to go, to flow with us, with who we are in our gifts. So if you have already been prewired for such a time as this, that means when God pulls on you, he's not poking at you, he's pulling on you, because instinctively, he already knows that you already have what's required of you. And some of us do not believe that we have what's required of us. So we seek out others or we seek other things. So anytime we avoid who we are, we avoid what we believe about ourselves. And when you do something that you're not called to do, when you avoid what you're called to do, when you avoid what you love to do, what you're purpose to do, you're saying, I know this is my thing I'm called to do and purpose to do, but I don't believe in myself. So sometimes we look for external validation to support our belief system, man.
[00:12:14] Speaker A: Okay, so let's talk about that external value to validate that belief system. So if I'm a young professional and I'm looking to, and even if, again, with being refreshed, in many cases, it's almost like you have to reroute yourself and in many cases disrupt yourself, because the route that you were going was not in line with what was purposed for you at that point in time.
And that change is hard to know, that you have been going down a route that seemed good at one point, might have been socially acceptable.
Your family of origin thought like, hey, this is where you're going to go. This is where the money is going to be. This is safe, right? And all of a sudden you recognize, hey, I got to pivot, I got to change where I'm going.
There's a lot of friction with that.
How would someone, once they've become aware of the fact that they have neglected their God given calling ability, pivot again, I don't know the age of my listeners or anything like that, but I think at some point, everyone has to pivot sometime. And once they figure out, like, man, this is not what I want, or actually, I'm going further down a road that doesn't feel right.
And now they got to figure out, what am I going to do next?
[00:14:01] Speaker B: So one of the things I think about, it's very important to understand that anytime you avoid, again, who you are and what you have been purposed to do, called to do what brings you joy, what keeps you up at night, what gets you up early in the morning, is when you avoid all of that you lose your identity in trying to please others.
So it's not so much in me being concerned about all that I have to do and start over. It's more so with me being concerned that I have lost myself trying to be something that I'm not. But also, once I identify that I have been going in the wrong direction, you would think that I need to turn around, or I'm excited to turn around to go in the right direction. If I am going somewhere and I want to be at a certain geographical location, if I know that going the opposite direction would take me 40 minutes out my way, you would think, I will hurry up and turn around. But some people don't because it's easier for them to go in the wrong direction because no one is watching them. But when you go in the direction that you're supposed to, people are watching you. Like the things that I've done throughout life, I've been watched. I mean, ex gang banger, drug dealer, whoremonger, liar. I mean, I've done things. When I say liar, I've lied to God. You know what I'm saying? I've lied to women. You know what I'm saying? Sometimes we are lying to ourselves. So all of these things that I have done, you know what I'm saying? And all the things that I've been without.
Sometimes you would catch yourself trying to do things just to get other people attention because you can keep the attention off you.
So this is the other thing, too, and I'll let you speak to it is when I started going in the direction of the things that I'm supposed to do, it required ministry. It required me being on a pool pit. It required me going to the prisons and jails. It required me as a certified chaplain on the crime scenes. It required me to do the things that made me feel as if I was a liar, as if I was going in the wrong direction. And it's not that I was being phony or fake. I just chose to go in a direction that wasn't fitting for me at that moment. But what was fitting for me is to go is to follow my purpose. I didn't want to follow my purpose. Nobody's to blame. With all the hell I've been through and all the things that I've lacked in my life that most men lack, or definitely most black men lack, I cannot use that as an excuse. I cannot create excuses and monuments to be in front of me and say, those are the things that prevented me from succeeding. No, you are one thought away from living or dying. You know what I'm saying? You are the sum total of the voices that you listen to. And the voices that I listen to internally and externally were driving me away from my purpose. So once I started going in the direction of my purpose, Ryan, I realized it was the total opposite of what I was doing. Now, granted, the things that I was doing in my past, some of the things I still do in my purpose, I just do it in the right direction. So, for example, I once used to, let's say, manipulate women or do things just to get their attention so I can get what I want. Now, I no longer do that. My end goal is not for me. My end goal is for them to get what they need. So now, when somebody's in my presence, I may be using the same vernacular, different tools that I have, but this time, it's for you to be the best version of yourself. Back then, it was for me to get what I want. Now it's time for them to get what they need. I'm no longer using a gift that God has given me to manipulate and hurt, harm or anyone. It is my time to make sure that I'm a blessing to you and no longer a curse to you. So therefore, people are afraid to see who they really are because they believe in their mind that everybody won't like them. Well, I got a secret to tell them. Even in all the things they're doing right now, they still don't like you.
You can never be enough for everybody. Get over it. Build a bridge. Get over it. Follow your purpose, and I guarantee impact over popularity all day long.
[00:18:14] Speaker A: Okay.
I think, man, there's so much in that, what you just said. I don't even know where to start with that.
I will say this, man, one of the things you said here is like, no matter what you do one dish, they're not going to like you because I say this often, but you can't see yourself outside of yourself.
And if you feel the way you feel internally, but the way you feel internally is actually not what others perception of you actually is.
And I think it's so crazy that we will diminish. We'll act different, but really appear different to others.
There's a situation and circumstance that I've ran into and run through where we've had put it like this.
[00:19:27] Speaker B: Writing some notes down.
[00:19:28] Speaker A: Yeah, you can. It's all have. And I'm using a biblical perspective here.
When Moses led, and people know I speak Bible on here, so it's fine.
But when Moses led the Israelites to the promised land. The first thing that they said when they scouted the land with Moses, that they had all these grapes that were huge and they had to bring all the things in. Then they saw that there were amorites, there were Hittites, Jebusites and giants in the land. And they said we were as grasshoppers in their eyes, but they were actually threatened by who they were with. So the word had gotten spread out that they had killed, that their God had destroyed the Egyptians, but they saw themselves as grasshoppers. And actually what's wild about that is that was what kept them from trusting God, their perspective of themselves.
And they had to go around another 40 years because God called that a wicked generation. So he had to literally wipe out that generation in order for people to forget where they came from so they can enter into a promised land. So I'm saying all that to say, how can individuals start to make that pivot? And you said this earlier, but I want to kind of exacerbate it and blow it up a little bit more. Is that when you were doing what you were called to do, it didn't feel like you were doing it. You felt like you were an imposter. You said, like, I'm out here doing the chap. I'm trying to encourage people. I'm doing this stuff. But it just didn't feel as if that was, I felt like I'm doing good, but I didn't feel like it. But you still continue to walk in it anyway.
[00:21:33] Speaker B: Sometimes.
[00:21:35] Speaker A: Go ahead, you right there. Just jump right on in it. It's like you had to give yourself truth and proof, you know what I mean? That this is who you are.
[00:21:43] Speaker B: Yeah, that right there. So remember, all behavior is belief driven.
I knew that I was gifted for it. I knew that I was being productive and sometimes in and out of doing it, because ministry is seeing a need and meeting it and in and out of doing the work, I sometimes question myself, is this what I want to do now? Let me tell you where I make the mistake at.
It's just like, all right, God's my father. He's the alpha and Omega. He's the CEO of not only the world, but my life.
When your parent asks you to do something, you don't ask them, if this is what I want to do, you.
[00:22:28] Speaker A: Do it anyway, right?
[00:22:31] Speaker B: So where we went wrong or where we go wrong, as children of God and children pertaining to our parents, we begin to question the authority over our life.
When I started questioning. Yeah, come on now. Think about it. When I started questioning my authority, now it's almost as if I no longer want to believe you, even though you got me here. So now it's you against I. We're going to do nothing but clash.
Because if the parent is telling you one thing and you believe in another, you now eventually are now, at that moment, are going to be off course.
Remember how you said something about thinking earlier? How you think, how you act and how you feel makes up your identity, your personality?
If how I think and how I act and how I feel don't line up with what God has placed in me. I am now off course.
And I used to get upset because I was off course thinking that what you're doing for me is not working. It's just like you as the son, speaking to your mother and father and say, mom, what you told me to do is not working. No, son, Ryan, I didn't tell you to do that. You chose to do that. And then you questioned my authority when you were off course.
So sometimes when it comes to pivoting and doing the things you're supposed to do, how are you, how can I question God's authority when I'm off course?
That's not what I have coached you to do. You play Football, Ryan. You played football for years and you were great at what you did. You and your quarterback and your wide receivers, linebacks, all y'all, everybody on the squad, y'all all have a play. If you do not run the play, you cannot get mad if you didn't get the ball. You cannot get mad if you didn't get the hit. You cannot get mad if your team don't score. You did not run the play.
You did what you wanted to do. Which means you can sometimes, to make it plain, we can sometimes go left and they go right. Who are you going to blame? The team. Everybody on the team is going in the opposite direction of you and you're going to get mad at the quarterback and you're going to get mad at the play.
Remember, the voices that we listen to internally and externally is a sum total of who we are. And some people cannot pivot because they can't get out of their own way.
They cannot pivot because they are in their own way.
When you're playing basketball and think about, say, go all the way old school with Isla Iverson, how smooth he was with that peel, that rock, he'll move one way and have you leaving and have you left over there where he was started at.
But when he left them, he wasn't in his own way. They was in the way he left them. Now, if he was going against Iron Iverson or going against Iverson, he'd have been dribling all day long because he would still be in his way. But when he got an opponent to get in front of him, somebody who moves differently than him, he did what he wanted to do, and he had them to stay where they were because he was doing what he was supposed to do. They was against him. It wasn't him against him, because if it was him against him, Ryan, even him against himself, he'll be running up and down the court with the ball. He'll never get the score because he will always be in his own way, even though he was great, even though he was effective. But as long as you are in your own way, you will never make it to the goal. You'll never succeed. You also mentioned something about sometimes we're chasing things that are not a part of our purpose. When you chase the lie, you are further from the truth. But if you're closer to the truth, you are further from the lie.
[00:26:18] Speaker A: Okay.
This is literally how it happens.
So this is another one, man, that I think many of us, including me, have a challenge with.
It is getting out of our own way. And this is the thing, I find that I have more dirt on me than others. Have more dirt on my, like, I have more dirt on myself than others.
[00:26:52] Speaker B: That's good. I get that. You know what I'm saying?
[00:26:54] Speaker A: So I think what people typically do is they beat themselves up because, one, they know they shouldn't be doing something like whatever they've done or doing in their current circumstance. Right. But then also because of that, they allow those failures, they allow those challenges to be in their way, and it actually becomes an excuse, really, for them to not be who they've called to be. So I'm just like with any other person, I hope, who wants to get out of their own way because I want to be fruitful. And I know many people who would be listening here want to be fruitful, too. How can someone get out of their own way and really become who they've been designed and fashioned to be? Because at some point, it's going to hit the fan at some point, man, where you're going to be frustrated and hopeless. And I don't want that to be the case for those.
[00:28:07] Speaker B: And I know I spoke earlier about changing your belief system, this and that. It's one thing, and you heard people say it numerous times, you're going to have to change your circle.
You have to get around like minded individuals that believe in you. And what I mean by that is not just get around somebody who like you, it's a big difference.
Somebody who like you just generally just like what they see about you, or they may think you're funny, they may like what you bring to the table, but somebody who believes in you is willing to accept you and all your flaws at the same time. Somebody who believe in you will call forth that thing that you don't usually answer to on a daily basis.
You want to be around individuals that want to see that thing that you think that is dying, they believe is living.
It is very important to make sure that your circle helps you to develop the very thing that you have been birthed to do. Not like to do, not to do, not forced to do, but birth to do. Can you imagine there is 86,400 seconds today. Can you imagine every single second you are doing the very thing that you have been birthed to do?
You are a seed that have been planted.
When you plant a seed, you don't want the total opposite of what you planted.
So if you look at yourself and you're creating something that you are not created to do, meaning you can create chaos over here, but you could have been the person, or you should have been the person that was creating restoration.
Them are two totally different directions.
[00:30:00] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:30:00] Speaker B: So you want to get around individuals that see the restoration in you and want you to bring that thing to life versus being around the crowd that love the chaotic version of you.
So what I would say is find individuals that believe in the best version of you, that seek to want to know who you really are. That's even in relationships. But also you're going to have to lose and disassociate yourself with individuals who only bring about the worst version of you.
[00:30:32] Speaker A: Man.
I'm going to add one piece to that, though. When you have those people believe them, I'm going to keep it 100. Sometimes you can have the people around you tell you and you not believe them, and it's hard. And again, at some point, once you get the people around you that you can trust, you got to believe them, too.
And I think that's a part where we've had to, at least in my life, I've had to learn how to one shut my mouth and then trust the people that God has assigned to me, who've seen me at my worst and still are around and still have supported, still speak life, still encourage, still support you even when it's I think people just need a trust, and I think that's a challenging trust. Yeah, trust, man.
[00:31:42] Speaker B: Trust the process.
[00:31:44] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:31:45] Speaker B: That's tough.
Think about this.
You have a vehicle. We all have a vehicle. We put gas in our car, but I guarantee most of us can't even locate the gas tank.
But we trust the manufacturer. Yeah, we trust the manufacturer, and we say, okay, I know the person who created this vehicle know exactly where the gas tank is at. So without me even knowing where the gas tank is located, I'm just going to put gas in here. Not even knowing where the gas is going. I just know the gas is going to give me from point a to point b. Not to mention that the gas could be going in, but coming out, hitting the concrete, you don't know, but you trust the person that created the vehicle.
How is it that we have more trust in a vehicle, thinking it's going to get us from point a to point b, but we don't have trust in what it is that we carry on the inside? Well, coach, sometimes I get upset. Well, sometimes your car break down.
Well, coach, sometimes I get in my feelings. Well, sometimes your car catch on the flood. Sometimes you're tired, run over nail, and you catch a flat. Well, coach, you want me to say, man, sometimes I'm affected by the people that I'm around. Sometimes your car is affected by the people that get in it or the people that work on it.
[00:32:59] Speaker A: Right.
[00:32:59] Speaker B: Every mechanic don't do the right thing to your vehicle. So there's no excuse you can give me. But you still trust that vehicle to get you from one place to another. But one of us, not one of us, a lot of us don't have realized that once you get out the vehicle, you still got to deal with who you yourself.
Once you get to that location, who got to walk to the door, you.
Before you start that car, before you pick anybody up, who do you have to deal with in a car by yourself? You. So, ultimately, at the end of the day, if you're going to trust any process, and if you're going to trust anyone, at least start with you. Don't put more faith into a vehicle than you do. Your own spirit, your soul, what you have been destined and created to do.
There is something in you that the world needs.
Ryan, if you were to pull up on me right now, I'm not excited about your vehicle. I'm excited about your presence.
I don't care how much gas money it took you to get here.
I'm not happy that the vehicle showed up. I'm happy that you showed up, my brother. And it's the thing that most of us are not happy that we showed up, but there are individuals, and that's why you got to change your circle sometimes there are individuals. When you pull up, man, look at your ride. That's nice. Hello, man. I'm here. Hey, can I have a hook? How are you doing?
[00:34:26] Speaker A: Yeah, man.
[00:34:27] Speaker B: You more impressed by my vehicle than you are with the presence of me showing up. We should be loving on one another, embracing one another.
You know what I'm saying? Reminiscing, having a good time building, shaping, and molding, and seeing about what we can do to take our life to the next level. But you're more concerned about materialistic things.
[00:34:43] Speaker A: And I'm showing you my car before I'm embracing you. And, man, most people do that, man.
I've been guilty of it. I think many of us have been of, like, leading with our stuff first, and not necessarily, I would gather to say that most people that lead with their things don't necessarily understand what their value is.
Like I said, there's nothing wrong with having nice things. But the thing is, if you think you're less valuable than the thing that you're in, you're in trouble. You're in trouble. Yeah, you're in trouble.
[00:35:27] Speaker B: You're more concerned with the thing that you carry on the outside than what it is that you carry on the inside.
What you carry on the outside should be nothing but an enhancement to what you carry on the inside. It should not define who you are. It should just help take you to the next level.
I carry my bag. When I go speak and teach.
Wherever I'm going, wherever I'm teaching, whoever I'm coaching, I take something with me. But that thing does not define me, because at the end of the day, right now, is you and I. I'm using my laptop so we can do what we have to do to get the job done and send out a message. But at the same time, I'm speaking from my heart, right? It's just been heard through my laptop, but it's coming from my heart.
[00:36:16] Speaker A: I'll throw something at you. If we were listen to this.
[00:36:21] Speaker B: In this season, I decree and declare over anybody that's listening, just in the middle of this message.
I heard this before. I can't remember where I heard it from or where I read it from, but I decree and declare that in this season, people will no longer benefit off your mental bondage, which means they will no longer benefit off what it is that you do not know. But in this season, people will begin to benefit from what it is that you do know. You do have what it takes to go to the next level. People go to next seasons in life because of you. People will be promoted because of you. People will elevate and educate themselves because of you. You're looking at a man who had women doing his work from 6th to 8th grade, got kicked out of 9th grade, had a fake ged for ten years, and now I'm back in school, in college at the age of 43.
I'm not a quitter. I'm a winner. You are not a loser. You are a winner. Believe in who you are while believing in the process, because the process need you to actually go through so people can see what it's like coming out on the other side again. People will benefit in this season because of what you do know versus what it is that you do not know.
[00:37:42] Speaker A: I'm gonna let that breeze, man.
You okay? Yeah. Let me give it one more minute.
Let me give that one more minute.
That's powerful, man.
I ain't going to put no more on it. We're just going to leave it at that, man.
I hope that encouraged somebody out there, particularly during this season, man, because, you know, there are a lot of people, purposeless people, that are seeking something, and it's because they're not aware. So be ye transformed, right by the renewing of your mind that you may prove that good, acceptable, perfect will of God. That's romans chapter twelve, verse two.
All right, can we pivot? I want to pivot a little bit.
Are we going to do it actually real time here?
You've mentioned going through this whole process of.
In the beginning, you're like, I'm in a room.
I feel like I'm in these rooms. I'm not equipped or to do something or I don't feel like I've been there. And what you're doing now, going through your process and the things that you have gone through, and you just gave us a quick rundown of your experiences.
You're really serving people something you never received.
How have you navigated that? Because I couldn't imagine. There's some stories that don't end well, right. That have been down the road of things that we've seen in boys in the hood or movies with gang bangers, everything like that. So people think they know how that story typically ends because there's deficits in some of those characters and things that we see in the films. But you lived it real life, and you have completely pivoted and changed direction and really have become what you never received. So, I mean, how. How you. How have you done that? How do you continue to find the mental fortitude to be able to serve in pouring out to people things that you may never. You may never have gotten?
[00:40:27] Speaker B: So it's not easy, because at one point of doing it, I felt like I was still being left out.
I was answering the call of my life to filled void spots that people felt like they were never touched or spoken to in their life.
But there were times of me doing those things. I still felt like my cup was halfway empty versus being halfway full.
And I used to go to God. I said, why did you choose me?
And I haven't been restored in that area yet.
And it goes back to the question, why not you?
Who else will be bold enough to do the thing that hasn't been done to them?
He said, the difference between you and someone else, you have joy when they receive it, others don't.
Other individuals don't have joy when they see others happy in the areas that they didn't get fulfilled. They resent them, they hate them, they criticize them. I get joy in seeing people get the thing that I didn't get because I refuse to let them go down the memory. I refuse to see them go down the road that I went down.
If I didn't do it, the people I was around was doing it. But I also know what it's like to have suicidal thoughts. And God has stirred something in me. The one thing I did right is that I gave my life to Christ.
And when he accepted me, which he already did, he restored me. He rejuvenated me. He redirected the energy of my mind. Everything I do with people, he did to me in my spirit, from the crown of my head to the sole of my feet, he did everything to me that I do with them.
The difference with me is I can't go back to the person that I was. So it's almost like I'm left to fulfill people in the areas that I didn't get fully filled in.
The benefit of that, Ryan, is that I feel everything. Sometimes I actually need to feel when I see them fulfilled.
If you are blessed by something that I provide you with, if you feel like you have been restored in an area that you thought that was dying and God used me for a minute or for a day or year, I feel like I am getting life back that was taken away from me. When I help you to receive a life of restoration.
So ultimately, the reason I live, the thing that keeps me alive, the things that wake me up every single day, the thing that makes me smile, is seeing other people not cry. The things I cried off of, is to see people to not go in the direction that I went. So I get life, and my cup seems as if it is halfway full when I am being a tool and a vessel in someone else's life.
[00:43:39] Speaker A: Isn't it crazy, though, how we give what we didn't get?
I think that's wild, is that we create, really, from our deficit. Like, if we're looking for something, I'm just thinking about musicians, for example, certain musicians.
There's a theory my wife has, and she basically says this, that some of the best albums that artists have made were coming from areas of personal challenge, disruption, of heartbreak, whatever the case is. And they were just brave enough to put it out there on record. Right?
[00:44:32] Speaker B: Mary J. Blige.
[00:44:33] Speaker A: Yeah, man.
[00:44:34] Speaker B: Al Green, all them. You think about all the things they were going through when they were making hits.
[00:44:40] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:44:40] Speaker B: See that right there? That right there, the thing that traumatized me, that is my ministry.
If ministry is seeing a need and meeting it, then I only can meet you where I have once been.
[00:45:01] Speaker A: Oh.
[00:45:05] Speaker B: If I see you hurting, it's because I know what hurt feels like in that area.
If I see somebody who's traumatized and suicidal, I know what it looks like in that area. If I see with somebody without their biological father, I know what it's like in that area. If I see somebody who is struggling because they never got what they wanted and didn't have the proper relationship with their mother, I know what it's like in that area who have lost family along the way. I noticed, like, in that area, have saw those that grew up in the streets and seen them murdered right in front of your face, or to see people dying, or to see people that have died that you grew up with, some of us have, we can resonate with that area. See, the thing is, I used to think in my trauma that my father has left me, my heavenly father. I said, God, you sit high and look low, but it seemed as if you never have me in your scope.
It seemed as if you have everybody in your scope and you do what you need to do with them, and they expand, they grow, they succeed.
I felt like at one point in my life, I said, God, it seemed like the only thing I'm successful at is being a blessing to the people that I've been called to. But I don't feel like I'm successful myself.
And that's when you got to realize success to him and success to me is totally different. Again, your perception is your reality. And if you don't have a clear perspective on who you are and your perception is off, then it's going to have you thinking in the opposite direction of what you've been called to do.
I was listening to Keon Henderson, and I ain't going to say everything he said because I don't want to mess it up, but just know that it was a very fulfilling message. And one of the things that he was saying, he said, he was talking about how a first touch and a second touch from God, and he was speaking to some other things. But one of the revelations I got from it is that we sometimes ignore the first touch, but we're all excited and looking for that second touch. That second touch to most of us is that miracle, that sign of me getting a wife or that woman getting a husband. That second touch of my building, my business is being elevated. That second touch of me being promoted, whatever that second touch for you is. And what I realized, Brian, is when I did receive that second touch from God, the second touch wasn't so much of a miracle of a crazy breakthrough. The second touch for God, for me, reminded me of the first.
[00:47:38] Speaker A: Tracking.
[00:47:39] Speaker B: God does not have to be such a performer as if he's performing at a concert just to get Rick's attention.
Once God touched you one time, he don't have to touch you again. All you have to do is go back and remember the touch and receive the touch. The lady said, if I can just touch the hymn of his garment, if she could just touch the hymn of his garment, then what makes me think that I have to continuously be touched by him?
And if I did receive a second touch, it's just a reminder of what the first touch felt like. It's just a reminder of what you felt like when you was in the beginning with him.
When I was reminded by the second touch of the first touch, all it did was brought me back to who I was with him. The relationship, identifying who I really am as an individual.
And a lot of things that one of the things that I had written down want to share with you is that if you are not able to receive appropriately, you would not be able to receive accurately.
[00:48:45] Speaker A: Oh, say that again.
[00:48:48] Speaker B: If you are not able to receive appropriately, you would not be able to receive accurately.
I'm going to say it again. Some people in the back room saying, say it again, coach, if you are not able to receive appropriately, you will not be able to receive accurately.
See, a lot of us, we always want God to show us proof.
[00:49:18] Speaker A: You.
[00:49:19] Speaker B: Are looking at him.
If I go to God, I said, man, show me proof that I'm going to succeed. He said, man, you had a suicidal thought. You had a gun in your head and a gun in your mouth. From my own self inflicted entry. The gun went off but didn't go off in your mouth. My ears still ring to this day. That ain't proof. You had a fake GED for ten years and you had jobs off that GED. And I bless you, and now you a man. That's a leading example for me and everything that's around me. You still need proof.
You have people that you grew up with that have gotten shot one time, 14 times. People around you that you grew up with are no longer living. People around you that died from drinking and you was an alcoholic. You still need proof.
What do you want me to do? I've given you life. I've given you a wife. I've given you children.
Used to fall asleep on a highway and crash cars and total them out. You still need proof.
Proof ain't what you need from me, Rick.
You got to believe in yourself.
And that's the thing.
We don't believe in ourself. And that's when I was reminded from the second touch of the first touch.
The reason why you didn't believe in me, Coach Rick, is because you didn't receive me appropriately, which means I couldn't be a blessing to you and you wasn't able to receive me accurately. It's not that God does not want to bless you. We may not be in position to be blessed if I'm a quarterback, Ryan, and you're the wide receiver, and I tell you to play, if you're not in position to receive what I'm giving you, you will not catch what it is that I'm trying to get to you.
So we have to understand that if we're not able to receive appropriately, then how do we think that we're able to receive what it is that we're doing accurately?
We have to be in position in order for us to remain in position.
You would not be able to stay on track if your goal is to continue to always be off track.
[00:51:43] Speaker A: Right.
Wow, man.
[00:51:49] Speaker B: So at that moment, I want you to think about this. So now what I'm doing, my spirit is on high alert for false advertisement, false evidence appearing real.
I don't want to accept anything and everything just to say, I am the truth. I don't want to be led by false advertisement.
I only want to continue to be led by the spirit, and I don't know what that is for anybody else, but only thing that I want to direct me is the truth and nothing but the truth. Remember what I said earlier. The closer you are to the truth, the further you are from the lie.
[00:52:48] Speaker A: Okay, man, you are a miracle.
[00:52:51] Speaker B: You are a miracle in manifestation. You are a miracle in motion.
God is not going to waste his miracle on those who have the wrong perception of him.
[00:53:03] Speaker A: Man, you know, that's so good.
I was telling my wife this morning, I said, you know, I think to go back to your, and again your example.
I said, I think there are things that I've only allowed, or we only allow God to bless us with.
[00:53:30] Speaker B: Only allow.
[00:53:31] Speaker A: We only allow.
[00:53:32] Speaker B: I get it.
[00:53:33] Speaker A: You see what I'm saying?
[00:53:34] Speaker B: Get it.
[00:53:35] Speaker A: But then perhaps maybe God wants to do something exceedingly, abundantly. Above all, we can ask, think, or imagine, but because of our limited perspective of ourselves, our limited value in who God designed us to be, that we have perhaps tied his hands to only bless us one way because that's the only way that we believe he can.
And I'm telling you, man, that arrested me this morning because I was sitting there thinking I'm like, man, God said he wants to bless us, but maybe because of my limited perspective and my want to control circumstances and seeing it from beginning to end, perhaps I have only allowed him to bless the way I expect him to.
And maybe he's trying to shake me out of that or shake anyone else listening of that expectation.
[00:54:44] Speaker B: So could it be things are the way they are because of the way you are?
[00:54:49] Speaker A: That's offline.
That's a good one.
It probably is.
It probably is.
And I think maybe more reflection time can kind of like, just think about this.
[00:55:06] Speaker B: If somebody say things are not the way they are because of who I am, it depends on your perception, how you perceive things. They'd be like, what do you mean, coach?
If what you look at is all hell breaking through, I. I can look at as a sign of direction, of what to do and what not to do, what you look at as a blessing. Some people look at it as a curse.
There are people who literally believe that what you believe is a blessing is a curse to them, and what you believe is a curse to them. They really believe it. We think differently, we move differently. When we was talking about instincts, too much is given, much is required.
When God. I used to say this thing a long time ago. God is not picking on me. He's picking from me because of the fruit that I bear.
But I first have to understand that the fruit that I bear is what he has already placed in me. So if God has already prewired you to have what he need, there's going to be a time where he come back and get what he wants.
But when he gets what he won't, Ryan, he instinctively know that you are required and responsible to give it to him.
[00:56:22] Speaker A: Oh, God.
Okay, keep going.
[00:56:30] Speaker B: No excuses, only adjustments. If I know that I have been pre white or to give God what he wants, then I have now have to obey what it is that he's telling me to do. When my instincts kick in and tell me to do something and I don't do it, I am now held responsible for what I was supposed to do that I didn't do. See, when I think about pain management now, and thanks to TD Jakes for sharing and breaking a lot of these things down in interviews and stuff like that, listen to so many different people. I listen to a lot of great people that point to me. I listen to TD Jakes, Dr. Malsea Moreau. I listen to Cindy Trim. I listen to Les Brown. Listen to Eric Thomas. I listen to Jordan Peterson, Jim Quick.
I listen to so Dan Duponti. I listen to so many different people. If you put them all in a room at the same time, it'd be one mixed ingredient. I can go on and on.
I mean, I listen to so many people speak and teach.
But one of the things that I learned from bishop that he was sharing is that when it comes to instincts, that some of the revelation that I was getting is that I begin to manage my pain when I understand what instincts do for me.
[00:57:46] Speaker A: Yeah, expound upon that.
[00:57:48] Speaker B: Because, see, when people don't understand that your instincts will give your pain direction, they will consider it just as a painful self inflictory, self inflict infliction or a bad injury, or they look at it as a curse.
I no longer look at what I go through now at this moment as pain for my death. I look at it as direction for someone's life. So what I mean by that is if there's something that I feel within me that I'm going through or that I feel that can become painful when my instincts kick in, my instincts tell me what to do. My instincts give my pain direction. Now I know that God is simply just making a withdrawal which are triggering my instincts to give me the intrinsic motivation. I need to give my pain direction to go here. And when my instincts give my pain direction, I'm no longer feeling the pain. I'm doing what I need to do with the painful situation.
[00:58:55] Speaker A: Got you.
[00:58:56] Speaker B: So you don't waste.
I don't waste it. And when you waste your instincts by not doing what you're supposed to do, you're sitting right in the middle of turmoil. You're saying, I'm okay with being this way. I'm okay with this. I'm not okay.
[00:59:11] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:59:12] Speaker B: So when you follow your instincts, it's almost like following a breakthrough.
[00:59:16] Speaker A: God, doggy.
[00:59:20] Speaker B: You feel what I'm saying? I want that to sit. When you follow, you see your instincts are there to help you. Your instincts will gravitate you towards the very thing you should and need to be doing. It's a different from a need and want.
What you want is like, I want this. I want. What you need to do needs immediate reaction, an immediate response. So my instincts will allow me, when I follow them, to manage the pain that I feel. So now I'm not looking at it as a painful situation.
I see it is now something that I can do, something that I can achieve.
[00:59:57] Speaker A: What's crazy about it is when people ignore that and I am fully aware of ignoring that internal feeling, those internal directions, you not only frustrate yourself, but you also frustrate those around you, too.
And they're like, what are you doing here?
It just reminds me of Jonah in the Bible where he's, I ain't going to Nineveh. And then he gets on the boat, the whole storm comes on. And they're like, who are you, dude?
We were cool before you got on this boat. And they're like, well, just throw me over the boat. Throw me over.
And you know what? They kept him, though. They didn't throw him off immediately. And it says the storm got even more fierce. And he's like, we've got to get him out the boat. And what's crazy about it? Again, this didn't come to me until we just started talking about it. But you not following your instincts actually is costing other people around you, theirs.
And, man, but you're also used to having, they were used to storms.
[01:01:18] Speaker B: Do you know that? You were. And I've heard plenty of pastors and I've heard people that are outside that are not pastors say this.
I'm thinking about so many different things, man. So many different individuals are coming to mind. Do you know, I had to ask myself this question years ago and I heard Bishop teach this years and years ago, man. I'm talking about years and years ago.
Can you be trusted with trouble?
When trouble times come, can you be trusted with trouble? And I used to ask myself years ago, no. When I listened to the message, I said, I believe God has trusted me with his trouble, with the trouble that I'm faced with.
And you say, coach, how are you able to give people what you didn't receive?
He trusts me with the trouble, troubled times.
If God can trust me in the midst of chaos, if he can trust me in the midst of a storm, if he can trust me, what appears to most people is a dead situation. Well, what does that mean, Ryan? Not only can he trust me, that means he has gifted me with his trust.
[01:02:43] Speaker A: With wrapped in trouble, he has gifted.
[01:02:47] Speaker B: Me with his trust.
If I trust you, we're talking about God, the CEO of the universe. If I trust you, my son, that means I've gifted you with my trust.
If I've given something to you, I've given you my trust.
What are you saying, Ryan? What are you saying, coach Rick, if God gives you something and he knows he's going to come back and get it, he trusts you with it.
He trusts you with it.
Whether it's a troubled son, a troubled daughter, a troubled employee, he trusts you with it.
So when I see people going through a troubled time and it reminds me of what I went through, I am called to chaos.
I am called to troubled times.
People don't call me Ryan and pay me for what I do because they're feeling good. They usually call me when they're going through hell, right?
[01:03:53] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:03:55] Speaker B: And you can attest to that. People call me when they're going through hell. People call me when they're at their last. People call me when they're suicidal.
I have been trusted with trouble, so therefore, I have been gifted something that can help people with their pain in the midst of chaotic situations.
Think about what I do. Ministry work, prison work, street ministry, crime scenes. As a chaplain, he needs me in the midst of the most chaotic situations.
If my perspective or my perception is off of where I'm at and what I'm doing with what he's given me, I will not understand it.
But when I can understand it and follow my instincts, I gravitate to what I need to give me the momentum to keep going.
God is going to bless us, but it's until we understand that. Remember what I said earlier, that if we are not in a position to be able to receive him appropriately, we will not be able to receive it accurately.
Everything is going to be off and to a level headed and we sit back and say, okay, God, I see what you're doing in my life.
Oh, what do you mean, coach Rick? What God has given me is not for me, it's for you.
Everything that I'm saying right now is for somebody that is listening, not for me. So, coach, I know that sounds good. That feels good. But what about you?
I'm fulfilled when you are.
You are the only reason I live.
I told you once before, Ryan, the only reason I'm able to help you at your worst is because I never stopped giving God my best.
And that's how I feel. As some people say, that's on.
[01:05:56] Speaker A: We've been. I'll tell you what, coach, we got to continue our more conversations, man. I wanted to really just introduce you, man, because I'll be honest with you all. There's been coaches listen to a lot. First of all, can I tell the story we first started talking? I'm going to tell you that first call I almost missed connecting with Coach Rick. I had just had my son and I had missed two calls. I scheduled a call and I was like, man, I can't make it all that kind of stuff. And I had the last call that I called him on and it was like a Tuesday afternoon, I remember, or Tuesday morning, and I was completely wrecked at the end of it. And essentially this thing that we're talking about refreshing a life, I didn't know what that meant.
I knew that I was called to do something. I knew that God had something in store for me, but I didn't know what it was. And I was getting frustrated because I felt some kind of way, but I wasn't experiencing that kind of way. I was disoriented or in many cases, I think that's a good analogy from a vision.
You know, Coach Rick has been there to help navigate and help me kind of work through some of the mental things that many of us have gone through, but particularly me, because there's a guy, and I've talked to you all about it in the podcast of who I am that I have not allowed to grow along with me. And sometimes you need to have, as coach said, the right people around you that can remind you of who you are. You need to have people that can speak to you because sometimes speaking to ourselves isn't good if we don't have the right perspective, because we'll repeat whatever we've heard the most of, whether it's negativity whatever that may be.
But coach, man, there's so many gems in this, man, and I know there's more. And you all listening have heard that he continues to learn and continues to study and continues, I call him Dr. Rick at times. Like Dr. Rick, you got the opticals and everything.
I just really, first of all, want to thank you, man, for joining this podcast. And he'll be having some, he has content out there now on his social media that he's already out there, but you'll be hearing a lot more from coach, and he's just been an incredible blessing to me as well as to many people.
And there's a lot to come, man. So, Coach Rick, man, thank you so much for joining the podcast.
If what I'll do is I'll put your website so if there's anyone that wants to get in touch with you, they can follow you on your social media, get connected to you on your website.
He's the real deal. Holyfield, man. So I just want to thank you. Absolutely, man.
He walks what he talks. He walk it like he talks, as the migos say.
So, ladies and gentlemen, that's today's pod. If this blessed you, and I know, I know it has, share this with someone, repost it, because someone's going to need this. As we're coming up on the precipice of 2024.
You got to get this before you walk into the year. So, like I said, keep it locked here, and we'll catch you on the next pie.
