Episode Transcript
[00:00:20] Hello, everyone. Welcome to life. Refresh podcast. You know who it is. It's Ryan Robinson. And we are continuing on the last piece of control alt delete. And again, we've been going through this incredible series talking about the things that, through several combination of keys, actually inhibit us or actually cause relational damages and relational challenges that actually, if done correctly and done in combination, reset a relationship. Now, with any kind of computer, we know we need, sometimes we need to shut it down, but usually the combination of keys are used when there's a challenge. With an operating system, you can't get to certain functions. A program freezes, the mouse freezes. So at the end of the day, control Alt delete is what actually causes us to do a hard reset, not an easy click the window or click the apple and do a shutdown or restart. No, you need to actually do some effort and do some things yourself that actually cause a hard reset. So this was an incredible opportunity for us to go through this. And we're on the last key delete. Everyone knows what the delete key is.
[00:01:43] If you make an error when you're typing, you essentially are able to go back. You go back in reverse, remove the previous character, and then be able to properly put the numbers back in or put the word back in or spell whatever you're trying to spell correctly.
[00:02:01] And this is one of the things that in any case, especially when we are in relationship, there's a lot of things we need to delete. There are some habits that we need to delete. There's some perspectives that we need to delete. There's also some really bad perspectives or maybe assumptions we've made about the person that we're with. But I will say this. The biggest thing that we really have to do when it comes to deleting in a relationship is being able to forgive.
[00:02:36] That's an F word that nobody really likes to say. Forgiveness. Forgiveness. And we know what this word is.
[00:02:45] We understand what forgiveness is all about. But what we don't realize is what happens when we only forgive halfway.
[00:02:56] We forgive enough that it doesn't cause us too much stress, enough for us to move on, but not enough for us to completely close a chapter. Now, this is the thing about forgiveness. Forgiveness is for us, it's a gift that we give to ourselves, okay?
[00:03:19] There are times when we might have forgiven someone that doesn't even know they need to be forgiven.
[00:03:26] They don't even know they did something wrong. So forgiveness is not for the other person.
[00:03:33] It's actually for you. I believe Nelson Mandela had the quote that said unforgiveness is like you drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. That sounds crazy, right? Like you're taking something that you're expecting the other individual on the other side who offended you to be taken out by what you ingested in your own system. But what it's doing is it's eating you from the inside out. So you'll never really know how much unforgiveness you have until you start exhibiting characteristics and behaviors like frustration, which is subtle anger with someone.
[00:04:23] We have gosh, I can't remember the other word.
[00:04:27] You're looking at passive aggressiveness. Again, another form of anger that takes place that most people like. Oh, yeah, it's undertonings of anger. And essentially it's because we have not forgiven someone based on the offense that they have done to us and maybe not have been aware of doing that we have caused. It builds out particularly a wedge between individuals, relationships, friends, what have you. And a lot of times what happens is we don't talk about the things that we are offended by. And because we get in our feelings, in our emotions about the things that we get offended by, we don't have the opportunity or we don't give ourselves the grace to actually address that because we think that there's going to be recoil. We think that there's going to be denial. So we end up thinking for the other individual about how they're going to handle a circumstance and situation that they have never, ever perhaps been aware that they have done to you. Okay, so this is why I feel like delete is so important for us. So the delete key, let me get to that history, and then we're going to jump right into some text. The Delete key is used to remove characters or data symbolizing the removal or end of something. Okay? And we talked about just briefly here, about forgiveness, but I want to give some context from the Bible about forgiveness, okay? And I'm going to go to Matthew chapter 18, and we're going to start at verse 15. I'm going to go a little far into a couple different scriptures here, but for all your read, all the readers and those who are taking notes, we're going to go to Matthew chapter 18. Starting at verse 15.
[00:06:23] Probably read about seven or eight verses.
[00:06:26] Bible says, now if your brother sins against you, go and tell him.
[00:06:32] Let me go back here. This is how the Bible talks about addressing issues with someone, okay? This is how we should do it.
[00:06:45] If it's in the Bible, it's probably highly recommended to work.
[00:06:51] I highly recommend. If there's anyone that you have discord with, frustration with, aren't able to talk to, are still angry with, this is something that you should have in your back pocket and understand how to manage it. Again, not everyone's perfect at it. I myself have not been perfect with it. But I do know that this does work when it's put into action. Okay? So I'm going to start again. Matthew, chapter 18, beginning at verse 15. Now, if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his faith, his fault between you and him alone.
[00:07:29] If he listens to you, you have gained a brother. If he does not listen, then take with you one or two others that by the testimony of two or three witnesses every word may be established. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the Church. And if he refuses to listen even to the Church, let him be to you as a gentile and a tax collector.
[00:07:55] I'm going to keep going, because that was pretty heavy. Truly I say to you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. I say to you that if two of you agree on earth anything they ask, it will be done for them. For my Father who is in heaven, for where two or three are gathered in my name, there I am in their mist.
[00:08:25] Here it is. Then Peter came to him and said, lord, how often shall I forgive my brother who sins against me? Up to seven times. Jesus said to him, I do not say to you up to seven times, but up to 70 times 70.
[00:08:44] Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle his accounts, one was brought to him who owed him 10,000 talents. But since he was not able to pay, his master ordered that he be sold with his wife, their children and all they had and payment to be made.
[00:09:07] So the servant fell on his knees, pleading with him, saying, master, have patience with me. I will pay you everything. Then the master of the servant was moved with compassion, released him and forgave him of the debt.
[00:09:22] But that same servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred Danari. He laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, pay me what you owe. So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and entreated him, saying, have patience with me, and I will pay you everything. But he said, but he would not, and went and threw him in prison until he would pay the debt. So his fellow servants saw what took place, and they were very sorry and went and told their master all that had taken place.
[00:09:57] Then his master, after he had summoned him, said to him, o you wicked servant, I forgave you all the debt because you pleaded with me. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, even as I had pity on you? His master was angry and delivered him to the jailers until he should pay all his debt. So also, my Heavenly Father will do to each of you if from your heart you do not forgive your brother for his trespasses.
[00:10:31] We read about 20 verses here, okay? So I'm going to break something down real quick, and I'm going to hit the high notes, okay? The first thing that Jesus provides in. This is a way to build back a brother. And again, most of us, I mean, if you have a sibling or a best friend, you're bound to get an argument. A spouse, whatever the case is, you are bound to get into an argument. Now, the thing is, because you're getting in an argument, there's two different perspectives that need to be had, but also what is being said. We don't necessarily know what the other person is feeling. So if there is an offense that's taking place, it is especially if it's offended you and not the other person.
[00:11:23] What makes it difficult is that if you're offended, you need to bring it up to that person and make them aware that they offended you. Right now. If the person denies it and says they didn't do anything, then you're like, okay, wait a minute. I need them to be aware because right now you're bringing awareness to a particular issue challenge. Right now. If that person does not have the adequacy or the self awareness to be like, you know what? Perhaps I might have done something wrong to offend you, then you bring other people around that can help you, that can help be a guide, that can help cultivate a conversation, particularly those that may not have been associated or know about the circumstance. Right? So they're just an outside perspective, just not having a whole lot of relational equity in it. They're just looking at the situation objectively. Right now. What ends up happening is they say if the guy doesn't even respond to multiple people trying to tell him or her the truth, then you're saying, all right, I'm going to take to the church. If the church doesn't makes a call or the church leader makes a call and it doesn't work, he says, treat them as a Gentile or a tax collector.
[00:12:40] Okay? So those are two of the at the time, the two most despised individuals in the Bible. A Gentile is one who does not inherit the promises of God. They are essentially outside. Now, this is pre Jesus crucifixion and Gentiles being engrafted into the body of Christ. So we're just talking about people had no promise. And then it says or a tax collector, which every Jew hated because they took money, lined their pockets and also lined the pockets of the Roman Empire that they were under. So it says like, don't do anything with them. Now, this is the piece of it. These are things and circumstances of trust that if you get to a certain point, particularly here, where you have to treat them like a Gentile or treat them like a tax collector, that doesn't mean you don't have to have relationship with them. You can have like a heisman relationship with them, but you don't have to trust them. You can forgive them, but you do not have to provide and give the trust that comes with relationship.
[00:13:54] You can have a different kind of relationship and one that says hi and bye, right? So that is an important concept that when it comes to forgiveness, especially how we do it with one another, this is how we fix it. This is how we delete, and this is how we build it back up. Okay? Now the second piece of this is Peter. After hearing all of this, who always has a question, particularly questions that we may be having internally. He says to Jesus, jesus, how many times should I forgive this guy who offended me?
[00:14:33] He's like, seven times?
[00:14:35] No. Jesus says, oh, no, I'm saying 70 times seven.
[00:14:42] I don't know if I forgive that many times in a day.
[00:14:46] But we are talking with the number seven. In biblical numerology, number seven is a number of completion. But if we're talking multiple iterations of seven, that means you have to do it until you're complete.
[00:15:02] Because what ends up happening is unforgiveness will keep you bound to something.
[00:15:09] Now, the parable brings this all together. This is how Jesus is such a master teacher here. He says, okay, this is how 70 times seven works.
[00:15:22] Now, this is what happens when you don't do it.
[00:15:26] If you've been forgiven a ton, the Master was going to take this man's family, his wife, kids, land, everything. And he said, Master, I'm sorry. Please have mercy on me, have compassion on me. And it says, the Master was moved with compassion, knowing that he was going to take a loss.
[00:15:48] He said, you know what?
[00:15:53] We'll clear the ledger. We'll clear the ledger, go about your life and act like this didn't even happen.
[00:16:02] And then what ends up happening is the same individual.
[00:16:08] And this is talents. Now we're talking talents. I believe that is either three months wage or three years wage is a lot of money.
[00:16:17] And then what he's saying, after he gets freedom from prison, he goes to his servant, who is missing a few Danari, which is probably like a week's worth of work.
[00:16:32] And he's, instead of having compassion on him, he's jacking him up, grabbing him by his throat, beating him up in front of people and say, amen, you owe me my money. Give me my money right now.
[00:16:46] As if he had not been forgiven much.
[00:16:50] So this is the piece here.
[00:16:53] When it comes to relationships, you have to understand that those who have been forgiven much must forgive much. And as a believer in Jesus Christ, essentially we have been forgiven of our sins, right? And because of that and this is what I believe, because we have been graced by with punishment that we actually really deserve.
[00:17:22] Everyone has done something wrong. You don't have to raise your hand, but you know when you've done something wrong and you've done it bad, actually you've done it bad enough to do it well, you've messed up well.
[00:17:35] And there are times when you haven't gotten what you really have deserved because of those circumstances. Maybe you didn't get caught. Maybe people just didn't pay any attention to it. Whatever the case is, whatever the circumstance is, everyone has a situation and circumstance where they have been forgiven much. This is what we call grace, god's unmerited favor. It's something that we didn't earn. It was a gift of God, not of works. Lest anyone should boast, there is nothing that you could have done to earn it.
[00:18:12] All you need to do is receive it. This is God's grace and his mercy.
[00:18:20] Mercy is not getting what you sorry. Grace is not getting what you deserve.
[00:18:28] But mercy is that you clearly messed up and the punishment doesn't fit the issue or the crime.
[00:18:42] So I mean, there was a game we used to play Mercy where you would squeeze people's hands, I guess I'm old school, I guess, but you would try to find and get people to say mercy. So you're going through pain where you're squeezing hands or you're shaking hands trying to twist somebody's arm and you would say mercy and tap out.
[00:19:01] So the thing is saying that actually alleviates the pain that you could go through. But God is a God who is full of grace, full of mercy. He doesn't give us what our sins deserve, but also covers a multitude of sin that we mess up all the time. And then this is the thing. It is by which the same circumstance and the same relationship that Jesus and God have with us is how we should have with one another.
[00:19:33] We have challenges. Y'all, there might be a spouse that has said some mean things to you, maybe you didn't understand how you felt about it, or maybe they didn't. But this is the way we handle those kind of conversations.
[00:19:46] But this is the piece about it.
[00:19:49] There has to be a level of truth, transparency, and the ability to not be offended because offense, offense builds a fence between you and who you care about.
[00:20:08] Now, if someone's trying to win, and let me run this back when we're in relationship, the thing that actually keeps us from doing well with one another is that we get in this thing called competition.
[00:20:27] It's great for football, basketball, all the major sports, but it's detrimental to relationship.
[00:20:36] When someone has to win in a relationship, it's Bad News Bears.
[00:20:43] Okay, I want to make sure you hear that in this podcast.
[00:20:52] It is actually when it's usually in many cases, it's you, the other person and the issue.
[00:21:01] And if you guys are on the same page, the Bible says the two shall become one is you, your significant other, and the issue versus the issue.
[00:21:13] But if you guys are fighting one another, the issue is not dealt with.
[00:21:19] And then what ends up happening is once you're in competition, you'll start building what we call grudges and rivalries that we celebrate in competitive sports. All the time.
[00:21:33] But imagine those things are actually prevalent in your relationship if you are fighting one another. It's like having an autoimmune disease where your body is fighting itself.
[00:21:48] And just as I said before, the end of Genesis, chapter two says god said the two shall become one.
[00:21:56] Therefore, when you're married in a relationship like that, it's because that marriage is two individuals becoming one under the covenant of marriage. And because we are one, it is me looking outside of myself, seeing myself looking back at me.
[00:22:13] I can't say that again. You might have to run that back.
[00:22:16] But that's what's so important about relationships is that if you start acting like you all are one without one another, if you guys are two trying to become one, or one trying to become two, you're splitting each other in half. And this stuff is still there.
[00:22:36] I've seen people, and including myself have arguments and the issue is still there. But I have damaged relational equity with my spouse because I have refused to say let's keep it focused on what the issue is.
[00:22:57] Not the issue I have with you.
[00:23:02] It's challenging you all.
[00:23:05] And those are the things we have to delete.
[00:23:08] Because if we delete those, we can really get back into building something that's better.
[00:23:16] Better relationships, better friendships, better parent to child relationships simply because we chose to forgive. Have a deep conversation or just a truthful conversation. It doesn't have to be deep. It just has to be real transparent and honest.
[00:23:37] And I guarantee that you will have the reset that you need if we have it all set properly, putting everything in perspective. The crazy thing about this particular key set is that control alt delete does not cause all of the circumstances that I talked about to happen all at once. It's not creating new characters, it's not finding alternate keys. It's not deleting characters on the page all at the same time. It's not doing anything. It's not doing all of that at the same time on your screen. But once you do the combination, it actually unlocks a whole nother function that is necessary for a reset. You can't just do one, can't just do two.
[00:24:27] It needs to be all of them that you relinquish control, that you submit your alternate views for the better view of the relationship.
[00:24:36] And then you delete. You go back, delete what you had, delete what you said and build something back new. But all three together will create a great relational reset.
[00:24:50] Like I said, keep it locked here. If you haven't yet, share it with someone. Again, I believe this will help someone out there. And if you haven't yet, subscribe and share. Until next time. See you on the next pod.
