Show Notes
Hope is an amazing gift to many of us. The problem is no one's really educated us on how to properly apply and examine where we place it. Listen to this podcast! I know it'll bless you as we learn how to manage and evaluate our hope.
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Episode Transcript
Speaker 1 00:00:13 Welcome to the life refresh podcast. My name is Ryan Robinson. And if you were looking for a podcast, has that is designed to uplift, encourage and revive your heart, mind, and spirit you're in the right place. Welcome to the journey of becoming the version of you. God designed from the foundations of now let's begin.
Speaker 1 00:00:47 This is Ryan Robinson. Super glad again, you are tuning into this podcast episode today. Uh, this podcast, I would really hope that you tune in, uh, specifically to, um, this one. I think that the topic that we're going to be discussing is something that many of us struggle with yet we continue to beat ourselves up because we don't know how to handle it, or we have some, uh, miss and education around how to properly manage hope, insert in this case. So, um, I, I guess you can, we can tag it, tag this, uh, the misappropriation of hope. So, uh, so I wanna get into the lesson a little bit. This is something that I'm have recent dealt with. Um, I would say recently, but most people have recently dealt with it and there's a lot of pain associated with misplaced hope. There are things that we hope for and things that we desire to have in our lives yet.
Speaker 1 00:01:59 Uh, we don't necessarily receive them or we don't actually get what we prayed for. We don't get what we have, uh, hoped for what we worked hard for, what we thought was going to lead us to some level of self fulfillment or excitement or joy. We receive that promotion on the job we've got in that item, or we've gotten that car. We've gotten some kind of status that we thought at the end of it would give us some idea or some glimmer of hope and some glimmer of who we are inside of ourselves. And, uh, sometimes we've been left more MARD and so guard than we have been fulfilled. So, uh, I wanna get into like this misappropriation of hope and, um, I'm gonna start with this, uh, quote and it's, uh, actually it's a Bible verse, uh, Proverbs 13, verse 12. And, uh, it is something that we might have heard.
Speaker 1 00:03:07 You might have heard in certain as, uh, certain movies dialogues, whatnot, but, uh, you're gonna hear this version, uh, from me, uh, Proverbs 13 to well says, hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life. Uh, this scripture is actually super correct. <laugh> uh, hope deferred makes the heart sick. Have you been upset or depressed because of what you thought was going to make you happy? Didn't make you happy. I'm gonna read another version. This is the message version of the Bible, which is more like our current dialogue and day in and time. Uh, it says UN relenting, disappointment leaves you heartsick, but a sudden good break can turn life around. Uh, that's pretty, that's relatable. <laugh>, that's definitely relatable. Disappointment. What is disappointment? Uh, Dr. Miles Monroe, who is a, uh, is a theologian pastor who had, you know, he's recently gone on to be with the Lord, had this quote to say about disappointment.
Speaker 1 00:04:32 Disappointment is the child of a false expectation. I'm gonna say it again. Disappointment is the child of a false expectation. We get disappointed because we thought and expected a certain result to take place. We've been let down not to your, um, it might be because you said some and you had this, you know, someone might have had an expectation based off what you said, or you had an expectation of yourself once you received, uh, some kind of accolade that life would be better. That life would be easier. That life would be more peaceful, that it would be easier on this side of the road. But for many of us, this is a falsehood and it leaves many of us depressed. <laugh> it, it, it leaves you with no story. It leaves you with no answer that you don't know what to do next. You don't know what to do with disappointment.
Speaker 1 00:05:46 You, it is something many of us have to sit with, but many of us don't choose to sit with because we'd, anize the pain of an unmet expectation. We drink, we smoke, we do whatever we need to do to numb ourselves from the pain of a disappointment. So let's get into what a dis well, let's get into expectation. First. We are, I think we establish what a disappointment is. What is an expectation? What does that word even mean? Okay. Uh, expectation is defined as believing that something is going to happen or believing that something should be a certain way in the future. The word expectation comes from the Latin word called explanation. Ooh, explanation is explanation. There we go. Explanation, meaning awaiting. So expectation arises from all the relations that you're connected to and connected with, whether it be with your parents, whether it be with, with your spouse, whether it be with your children, whether it be with your friends.
Speaker 1 00:07:01 We all have some expectation in the relationships that we have, as well as the relationship we have with ourselves. We have expectations of everything, and it is very difficult for us to switch those expectations because in some cases, and actually maybe in many cases, those expectations are what drive us to the discipline, to the hard work, to the suffering that we think by enduring would lead us to a more favorable end that would cure all of our ailments. That'll make us feel better. And, and I will tell you, and many of us have seen this in, uh, celebrity, celebrity, uh, lifestyle, and those who have been successful in those who have won the lottery that <laugh> having or receiving and something that you've expected, or maybe even unexpected doesn't mean that you're able, that you're able to, to manage it. Um, the, the, the expectations that we have, uh, could destroy us if, if we receive them or if we don't receive them, we, if we don't manage expectations in a very healthy way, it could, it could really destroy us from the inside out. And, um, you know, it could lead to addictions, which I mentioned earlier, it could lead to all kinds of things. It even lead you cutting yourself off from other people, because you feel your self confidence is low. And you feel that you don't think you're worthy of anybody's love and affection, because you felt that you did not obtain a certain goal.
Speaker 1 00:08:58 And, uh, to many people, I I've, I know many of us have had this, but I've have had this as well in particular. Um, and, and not to go into the story too much, but it, there are times when I have had an expectation, I can use it in football, uh, that you have a particular outcome that you've worked hard for, that you have put in the time you've trained, you've eaten correctly, you've done all the things necessary for, to, for you, to, for you to be positioned in a way to succeed. And those are the things that are in your control. So you expect to get plane time. You expect to do all kinds of things, right? But if an injury comes about, if, if something like that happens, it's something that you didn't plan for. Therefore you weren't expecting it. Uh, in <laugh> in football is called getting blindsided.
Speaker 1 00:10:01 Uh, if you got blindsided by a certain, some kind of circumstance, your expectations of that season are gone. They're demolished. Then what do you do with expect that will never be fulfilled. It's okay to grieve them. But then at that point, you have to find a way to get a different kind of story for what you were expecting out of that year. And there's not many tools for us to manage expecta. Uh, there's a famous quote that says expectation is the mother of frustration. And with that expectation leads to disappointment. So if you don't have a goal or you don't have an expectation, uh, many of us protect ourselves with that, because if you don't have a goal, if you don't ex have any expectations, then you can't be disappointed and you can't be frustrated when it doesn't work out the way you want to.
Speaker 1 00:11:09 So in order, in order to protect ourselves from any kind of deep hurt, we almost subconsciously <affirmative> decide not to plan, set a goal, have a vision, because expectation, as I talked about it earlier through Proverbs 13 verse, uh, verse 12, unrelenting, disappointment, aches, or leaves, you heartsick, you have heartache because of it. And, and that, and that makes it very difficult, especially when it's outcome based when it's outcome based. Now, there are now let me get this correct first or share with you. It's not bad to have expectations out of, uh, relationships. In fact, I think in many cases it's healthy. Um, it's okay. It's healthy to have expectations of love and respect and, uh, affection and, and time together with, with those that you love and trust that is healthy. That's a healthy expectation of relationship, healthy expectation of yourself. That is a healthy thing.
Speaker 1 00:12:29 There's nothing wrong with having at kind of expectation, but when you have unrealistic expectations, those expectations, uh, can put stress on relationships, put stress stresses on you to perform a certain way, and it could ruin you. It can ruin relationships. It can ruin, uh, many things because we have put on ourselves unrealistic expectations. And because we have put unrealistic expectations on ourselves, we inadvertently put those same unrealistic expectations on other people. And therefore we have this cycle and continuous, uh, roundabout of disappointment and let downs that people have continued to, uh, find, we continue to find that people are not reliable. And we find ourselves in this continued story that everyone is going to let me down. And the fact is, if you believe that it is true, if you believe it, you will create the scenarios that enforce exactly what you believe. Okay. So, uh, there's another Bible verse that I think is ex extremely important for us, because if we don't understand the context of expectations of hope, um, we will be really disappointed, uh, no matter what happens, because we don't understand why, uh, um, I guess you could say what the engine is for hope.
Speaker 1 00:14:19 Um, Hebrews 11, um, chapter one, uh, sorry. Hebrews 11, verse one. So once we found out, you know, in Proverbs 13, 12, we said, hope deferred makes the heart sick.
Speaker 1 00:14:37 But when desire comes, it is the tree of life. Okay. Now what is hope like where, where else can you find it? So you find it in Hebrews 11, again, verse one. And it says, now faith is the substance of things hoped for, there we go. The evidence of things not seen verse two for buy it, the men of old ordained, a good report. So the thing is, when you hope for something, you act actually have faith for something. So faith is Tang, something substance of things that you hope for. Now, if you believe in someone and you have faith in someone, it is, or faith in a situation or faith in a circumstance, it is very difficult for that to get dislodged from, from its, uh, its uh, setting. If you believe and have faith enough that you are going to be a, um, you know, you're gonna be successful, you're going to get a home.
Speaker 1 00:15:51 It will change the very things that you do because you have the faith. And because you have the faith of the hope for thing that you haven't seen yet, you will start making subconsciously the change is necessary to man vest, which is a word that is used all the time. And I'll talk about that in another podcast, but you create the ability you have, you create the ability to do what you believe. It's funny that if people say that they, if people feel that they're not lovable and I've heard this many times and they say, I don't have any friends, the Bible says to have a friend, you must first make yourself or find yourself friendly. No, one's gonna be your friend. If you mean, I'm sorry. You're not just gonna treat anyone any old kind way and expect them to be at your birthday party.
Speaker 1 00:17:00 And if they come to your birthday party, they're not bringing presents. They're coming to eat up all your food. They're coming to eat up all your food. So you cannot expect people to respond in very positive ways to negative treatment. Okay? So where was I going with that? It's important for us to know what we truly believe, which means we have to get real with ourselves. Cuz sometimes I think what we do is we almost look at our disappointment in roll color glasses and think that we're the victim of circumstance, but we are, we are the victim of circumstance, but the circumstance that we created for ourselves, oh man, that's good.
Speaker 1 00:17:57 So people inadvertently, if they look at themselves and be honest with themselves, they create the very environment that they believe that they're in, that they believe for. And consequently are in. If you don't think you deserve friendship, you will push people away. If you think you don't deserve love, you will make yourself unattractive so that you won't receive love. You will do anything. If you believe it, now faith can work in two ways. You can work it one way for a positive and you can work it the other way for a negative outcome. But it's things hope for, if you believe something, NA if you have faith for a negative report, guess what? It, you could have a negative report if you're superstitious and you know, think that the black cat's going to, you know, hex your, um, <laugh> or make you lose your game or whatever the case is.
Speaker 1 00:19:12 If you believe that, okay, it will have you allowed it to have power over you. And because of that, it manages or in some cases it manages or damages our expectations, not just of ourselves, but also in the relationships that we have. And those that we choose to be in, um, unmet expectations and erroneous assumptions can often turn into anger and anger always comes as a result of frustrated expectations, frequent experiences of unmet. Here it is can cause anger and resentment that devastate us internally. This also leads to develop negativity towards a person, a situation or a place of employment. So recognize that if you getting angry with someone or something, when they don't do what you've expected them to do, there's an expectation that has not been met. Therefore anger compounded over time, develop into resentment. So there's a couple questions that you have to ask yourself when it comes to managing expectations. One are my expectations too high for other people. And if so, why, let me help you examine that. If you are always feeling let down by people, you should probably examine those expectations. You gotta take the time to figure out what am I holding people to that always gets me upset and angry.
Speaker 1 00:21:24 Those expectations are the things that actually, as a Bible said, make you heartsick will make you depressed. So you need to examine what expectations do I have of others? Number two, what expectations do I have of myself? What am I believing or thinking that I should be doing that I'm not doing? And Am I at a point where I just quit because it's not becoming or turning out the way that I have intended. And then, uh, the third question, the third question Is, is the disappointment that I am experiencing, going to debilitate me or help me to re-exam mean What I have put before myself and other people. At the end of the day, you have a choice. You have a choice to decide whether you're going to allow disappointment to, uh, damage. You Freeze, you Steal from you. It could easily steal joy. It can easily damage relationship, but you have to make the choice whether or not you're going to allow this disappointment To break you down. I, again, I don't think it's and I, I will probably be the one to tell you. I have been. And you ask any one of my friends. Um, I have had some very unrealistic expectations of myself.
Speaker 2 00:23:37 <laugh>
Speaker 1 00:23:38 Uh, uh, particularly when I was younger. Um, and uh, it, it, it, it's hard to hear that from people you care about, but the thing is this. Like if I didn't listen to them, I wouldn't have any friends. <laugh> if I didn't listen to 'em and tell 'em that they're crazy. They wouldn't tell me anything. They wouldn't tell me anything else. They wouldn't tell me the truth about things. Why? Because I, an expectation of them that they would support my crazy ideas about myself. And then when someone comes up beside you and say, Hey man, you need to layoff the, the Cheetos <laugh> you need to lay off the popcorn. Um, you, you know, you have a friend who is keeping you accountable, but when you have the expectation of the relationship to re that you have an expectation in the relationship that says you gonna reinforce my dysfunction and it's not can communicated to the other person. So they think they're helping you out while you're thinking that they are being, uh, condescending and keeping you from a good thing. There's nothing wrong, you know, with snacking, you know, just don't snack too much.
Speaker 1 00:25:08 As I'm looking at a bag of <laugh> of popcorn right now, uh, feeling convicted about it. I'll probably just leave that
Speaker 2 00:25:19 For tomorrow,
Speaker 1 00:25:20 But I really believe that because of these expectations that we have of ourselves, of other people and, and the relationships, it, it, it makes it difficult for us to connect long term. Now, the thing is, it is good for us to walk through this process. And also we gotta recognize that people change. We are never the same day to day. We are never the same experiences and life will have their way with us, whether we expect it or not. And the thing is those who are able to endure the, the challenges and the vicissitudes of life. If they have a certain expectation or they've placed their expectation in other things that are more stable than just their performance, their a person's outcome, a person's way of treating them when they're feeling some kind of way, they they've placed their hope in something else. Uh, for me, I've placed my hope, my hope in Jesus Christ into, in God, himself, because I've recognized that he will not has not let me down. I may not like the outcome. I may not enjoy the pressures and the pains that may come with something, a prayer that I may not have that may not have been answered the way I wanted it to be answered.
Speaker 1 00:27:06 But there is a component to expectations that we, especially when it's unmet expectations, there has to be some moment or some level of trust established when an expectation is not met both in relationships and with yourselves. Why? Because trust establishes not what you've done, but it establishes that I believe in who you are, not what you do. So if I believe in your heart, that you're a good person, a good loving person, and you are, and you fall short of what I've expected. The trust that I have in you as a person supersedes what you fail to do. Because at the end of the day, all of us fail to meet some kind of expectation. Some days we're all in our a game. Some days we're not, and we get disappointed and we're like, man, what do we do? But the, those who care about us, those that love us recognize, and here it is, trust us as a human being that what will, what needs to get done will get done.
Speaker 1 00:28:30 I believe in you as a person, I know that you are, you're not perfect. I know that you are work in progress. There's gonna be days when you're just not gonna clean up. There's gonna be days when you're not going to be a hundred percent. And I believe that, and I trust that it's gonna have it, but I also trust in you as a person. And I, this is the thing that most people don't do. They do not have positive intent themselves or about other people to give them the grace. They need to get back on their feet. So because we have this level of anger as a result, or maybe resentment as a result of unmet expectations, we could to potentially cut them off or cancel them because of their inability to come through. And we will conclude to make a story about them, that they hate us. That they're lazy because that makes sense. But we take a step back and assume positive intent of those that we love and trust, or just know if we get, if many people in the world had default settings of positive intent. Again, this is not everyone. Not everyone always has positive intent. I'm not painting the world as a perfect loving place all the time,
Speaker 1 00:30:14 But I'm just painting this picture for those who have loved ones in their inner circle, outer circle, whatever the case is that we just give them enough grace to, to figure it out, to mess up, to make amends, to, to, to move on, to learn that is what's important To manage misplaced whole hope. It requires grace for other people. Now, if you're not giving grace, if you're getting disappointed or you're getting riled up, take a look at where you have placed expectations. Have you placed them? Are they too high? Are they unrealistic? Uh, are they too low? Are you trying to just keep yourself safe? So you won't get disappointed ever again, that's not a way to live either. It is a happy medium to manage expectations, But you need to have this now faith that Hebrews 11, one talks about now, faith is the substance of things. Hope for the evidence of things not seen, or you'll end up like, uh, Proverbs 13, 12,
Speaker 2 00:31:38 Um,
Speaker 1 00:31:39 Hope deferred makes the heart sick. But when desire comes a, it is a tree of life. Try and do your best to have a tree of life, moment Being heartsick. They don't have any medication for that. As much as we try to find other ways to take care of that at the end of the day, that kind of medicine run out. So try and find the right thing, because at the end of the day, the tree of life, which was found in the garden of Eden that Adam and Eve could eat freely from that gave them connection to God and his creation. That is what gives you joy. So connect with that and give grace to those who have hurt. You have disappointed you, But also find ways to get yourself back out there, not just protect yourself with lower expectations of people or no expectations of people. That's not a way to live life either. So I hope that this podcast was effective. I really am going to expound upon this a little bit more of, of, uh, I think we're gonna talk about trust. I'm feeling like we need to talk about what trust is. Uh, so tune to the next podcast. And we'll talk about some great things that have to do trust.
Speaker 1 00:33:17 Thank you for tuning into the life for refresh podcast. There are three things I'll need you to do before you go one, subscribe to this podcast, whether it be through apple podcast, Google podcast, Spotify, wherever you listen to podcast, make sure that you subscribe to get the latest episode in your feet. Two rank the podcast. If you like what you heard today, make sure you give it a great rating on those platforms. It'll help get us the exposure we need to make our message much broader and reach a different audience. And three, make sure you share this episode. I guarantee if you found value in it, someone you're connected to will value in it as well. That said, take and tune in to the next episode of.
